WHAT'S REALLY FOOD?

I’m sure you’ve noticed that we have not really been updating because you are a weirdly devoted reader. Thanks, we appreciate it. I’ve been too broke and busy to eat anything delicious. I think Tamara might be off eating ostrich meat somewhere but not this guy.

This is not to say that I haven’t been thinking about eating lobster every single day of my fucking life.  To say that I am in a perpetual gulag of hunger and yearning would not be a gross and insensitive overstatement in the least. Sometimes I read over the things I write and I just hate white people so much more. But let’s get back to business, this is not Critical Race Theory (it is).

So, here is a list. Mostly wishful thinking and partially a to-do list. If you have suggestions/are compelled to come eat this when we do (never)…we patiently await your telegram. Without further ado (every single photo is stolen):

1.

First and foremost: The lobster roll from The Red Hook Lobster Pound. Made with fresh catch lobster. This chunky asshole is taunting me. Sometimes I consider getting married to anyone for the sake of RHLP catering. Also available, lobster grits.

2.

This committment is no joke. The Breslin’s chef’s table suckling pig dinner is $65 a person and encourages a party of 8-12 people to eat an entire pig. I mean, yeah, chump change. The pig comes with salsa rosa and salsa verde. Side include duck fat roasted potatos (!!), fennel and broccoli rabe. Everyone wants to go right right? Let’s eat a whole pig.

3.

Ok. I am getting upset. Hot chilli oil is a serious weakness. It makes you sweat and snot everywhere while you eat, which is simulatenously gross and endearing. There’s something extremely fulfilling about food that makes you feel feverish. A few weeks ago John, Tamara and I were going to eat at Grand Sichuan House with Briana and then everything went terribly wrong and we were left pig trotter and duckless. Since then I’ve been daydreaming about smoked tea duck and various fish braised in chili oil. The menu also has spicy aromatic pig blood which is the first thing I’m ordering.

4. This place is incredible:

And smells good, so.

Last time I was at The Lobster Place I walked around sniffling and whimpering because I can’t hug every fish fillet in the world.

5. Spiked popsicles from Counter.

This is way way WAY too long and could be longer. If you’re down here you should probably go do something productive with your day. Don’t be like me! But before you go, tell me that my imagination is spoiled or tell me what I missed.