WHAT'S REALLY FOOD?

I am an impossible roommate. Like, I have this distinct impression that some days I come home and terrorize everyone in sight. Most frequently that person is Adam. If he’s lucky I’ll just kinda be drunk and hug him a lot and jump around for 5 minutes and then go to sleep. But other times I think it’s a really good idea for us to SPEND AN EVENING TOGETHER. Eating food he hates and TALKING about our (my) FEELINGS.

What I’m trying to say is we got Vietnamese food from Pho Tay Ho. This place usually kills it. This time it made me feel weird.

Summer rolls  came with big, fat shrimp, mint and chunky peanut sauce. Amazing, as always. But the meat over rice dish we got was kindaaaa wack. It included one redeeming, sweet and smoky pork chop. I don’t really fuck with pork chops but this was great. The rest was dry, tasteless shredded meat and a fish patty which tasted like the (second) greatest Jewish atrocity: Gefilte Fish. The dressing was apple juice which was pretty baffling.

In a roundabout way what I am really trying to say is…this food made me want to do a whole body cleanse. Which must be insanely appetizing. So I won’t be writing in here anymore. Just kidding. I’ll write about a bell pepper. This is going horribly. Next up: a review of Oreos.

finally, italy.  or south brooklyn.  whatever!

you know about l&b spumoni gardens, right?  pizza?  well, they also have a restaurant for your nana’s birthday or first date with a girl from bath beach.

the menu is simple, brooklyn-italian fare.  pasta, sauce, grandma, etc.  i got chicken parm with penne and tomato sauce.  but, uh, the chicken parm came with literally four huge pieces of chicken.  i ate it for two days.  whatever, it was really good.  the chicken had a nice lemon flavor (unexpected!  fine dining?!) and was smothered in gobs of mozzarella (polly-o).

and then.  chocolate mousse cake with peanut butter ice cream and somuchwhippedcream.  i have little to say about this because i’ve been eating nutella with a spoon lately and can’t emotionally deal with this memory right now.

get ready.  we’re about to go on a world tour, or something.  mostly it’s winter and i’ve been eating a lot.

first stop-post, vietnam.  that’s where i ate dog that one time (not kidding, guys!).  

it costs like forty million dong to fly to vietnam, so just take the d train to 25th avenue and go to phở tay ho.  i’ve been eating there ever since i decided to like soups and vegetables (was that last year?) and have about eight dollars to go really wild on dinner (employment!).

start with the gỏi cuốn (summer roll!).  shrimp and pork, rice vermicelli, peanut sauce, rice paper wrapping.  you get two for $4.25 (!!).  i got really excited and ate one before i remembered about blogs.  sorry.

next come the fried spring rolls, because pork obviously.  pretty self-explanatory, pretty delicious.  break one apart and suck out the pork grease for extra fatness.

entree!  it’s in the name!  time for phở!  everyone loves phở!  i kept it pretty simple, like i got to eat on the street in hanoi (not the same place with the dog, relax!). pho thit heo nuong - beef soup with grilled pork, sliced thinly and glistening in the fluorescent ambiahnce, with some rice noodles and scallions.  minimal vegetable situation, so i’m pretty interested in eating this all the time.

i would have finished it off with an avocado shake but i think i passed out in front of ninety families and people on dates.  whatever, just eat here.  it’s winter and vietnamese food = meat in broth.  get a durian shake if you’re feeling masochistic or decide to hate someone who tags along.  there’s some erotic mirror (with a baby on it?!) on the back wall if you, uh, want to hang out in the bathroom, too.

I’m hungry in Midtown and Midtown is the worst. Longingly looking at pictures from last night’s “snowed-in” (but not really sometimes we’re just lazy) dinner.

There are about 4 good things about Bensonhurst. Thing #1: Bensonhurst has a shitload of great Malaysian and Vietnamese food. Nyonya. It is a combination of Malaysian Indian and Malaysian Chinese food. Things cost approximately $1. Ok, this is a hyperbole but whaddayawant, it’s the Internet.

Adam got ginger duck noodles: noodles in home made soy sauce with ginger & duck meat (with bonez, watch out!)

This was good but so much fucking ginger. It looked like the noodles were packed with sausage but no, just MAD ginger. Also, an entire brick of fennel. Streets is crazy about fennel, I guess. I don’t know, not really my thing. But this was Adam’s food, so I don’t know why I was eating it in the first place. Worst roommate.

I got noodles in a spicy lemongrass coconut curry with vegetables & tofu stuffed with fish. The menu described this as a “soup.” Not so, only if soup is gravy. I’m not complaining though, coconut curry is my thing, like. Tofu stuffed with fish sounds kinda weird, right? It was. But I fucked (and will continue to fuck) with it.

Roti with dippin stuff. You know what it is. Eat more roti, that’s my resolution for 2011.

I wish I was still eating this. Hope you enjoyed this entry and fuckoff! Just kidding, I’m nice sometimes.

john’s deli.  not our john’s, but another john’s.

you’ve probably never been there.  stillwell ave and 86th st, overlooking the scenic D train, rite aid, and empty lot.  they’re famous for their hero sandwiches (SHRIMP PARM, i’m not kidding) but i did it up a little differently for today’s breakfast.

after a mostly sedentary january 1st, eating a whole hotroastbeefgravyonionsmozzarella hero seemed mostly upsetting.  instead i had a (totally healthy!) rice ball featuring a gooey surprise center made of ham and mozzarella.  since one fried cheese thing needs a fried cheese friend, i got a grilled (fresh!) mozzarella sandwich…MADE WITH DEEP FRIED BREAD.  and side of marinara sauce (FOR DIPPING FRIED THINGS).

first of many john’s deli posts to come.  john (not that john, our john) and yelena love the shit out of this place, so get ready.

hottest 86 sounds like your 6th grade AOL screen name.  it’s hidden under the D train, off bay parkway next to the worst pizzeria in the world and a few doors up from burger king.  english is real sparse, so you know this place is real good.

for around 10 dollars you can cop 2 appetizers (um, fried pork dumplings [$2.75] and sausage [!] dipped in honey [!!] [$2.95] ) and a (seriously) huge bowl of noodle soup ($5.50).  you choose your noodles (STFU UDON), broth (TOM YUM OMG), and two (2!) kinds of meat (UH SPAM and FRIED FISH BALLS and PORK CHOPS?!).

they also do shabu shabu (more meat, but like UNLIMITED MEAT) for $15.99 per person.  take your next cheap date!  impress them that you know about bensonhurst and then ask for their @aol.com address.

_tma